A few months ago my twins and I visited a friend who was in the process of hanging brand spanking new curtains hot off the Singer. Queue tension-building orchestral music, and prepare to cover your eyes. Complete the mise-en-scene with a black felt-tip pen belonging to my friend’s daughter held aloft by one of my offspring, and then imagine that the curtains are a colour that can only be described as white with a hint of snow drop.

The result was a scene from the worst horror film you can imagine. But I only wish it was a film, because if that was the case I would have bounded in as the hero figure to save the world, or the curtain, in nine-tenths of a second from impact. Alas, my character was flawed and the scene played out to a very unhappy ending for me, my friend and the curtain. Especially the curtain.

As you can imagine, my friend was not pleased. She was not pleased at all. And neither was I. In the time it took for my son to turn around and smile, I went through all the emotions any conscientious parent would in the same situation: horror, shame, anger, embarrassment and panic. The trouble was, the more I berated my little angel for his misdemeanour, the more he seemed to enjoy the whole experience. When my friend offered to have a go, I was only too happy to let her.

She very calmly but firmly set about explaining that according to her house rules people do not draw on curtains, and those who do can expect to be told off. Throughout his ticking-off, my son seemed to grasp the gravity of the situation and looked suitably ashamed. He eventually apologised, and after I offered to pay for a new pair of curtains, the whole sorry episode was all but forgotten.

So I was very interested to hear David Cameron urging us to reclaim our authority by disciplining other people’s children if we feel they are out of line. In light of the curtain-art fiasco, my first thought was yes, absolutely we should because if someone does something wrong they should be shown the error of their ways, and quite often other people can have more of an impact on your children than you can as a parent.

But when I started to consider all the implications of telling off other people’s kids, I realised what a minefield one enters when doing so. Firstly, what is deemed reasonable, juvenile behaviour by one person, may be seen as antisocial by another. So chastising a child for being their normal noisy, energetic self is never going to wash too well with either the defendant or their parents. Secondly, when scolding a child that isn’t yours, you can never be sure that their parents will believe they are capable of scold-worthy deeds, so you risk a potential ear-bashing of your own, or your tirade having no effect at all when not backed up by a responsible parent.

So in light of this, the trick is to be absolutely sure you have grounds for complaint before opening your mouth, and this comes down to a simple matter of whether or not rules have been broken.

There are three types of rules:

1. Conventional rules, not written down but widely accepted, such as not screaming in the cinema, not running around restaurants and not kicking the back of the seat on an aeroplane.

2. House rules, equally applicable to homes and public places, such as no drawing on curtains, no running up the slide at my local play centre, and no petting in the swimming baths.

3. Legal rules written in statute, such as no smoking in public places, no purchasing of alcohol under the age of 18, and no shoplifting.

By this premise, if you encounter a child breaking any of these rules you are well within your rights to wag the finger. But this leads to another issue that is completely negated by Mr Cameron. If these rules are flouted, especially by younger children, surely it’s more appropriate for the parents to take responsibility for their child’s actions, than for the child to take it on the chin? By berating the child we’re hitting on the soft target. Shouldn’t we be taking it up with the parents first?

If one of my children broke the rules I would be the first to apologise and insist he did the same. I am enough of an optimist to believe that despite the interminable tales of bad parenting, the majority of mothers and fathers are responsible, rule-abiding people who feel the same. All it takes is a rational, friendly conversation and the situation can be diffused as quickly as it takes to draw on a curtain.

The only problem is being sure the parent is of this ilk. And if you aren’t, go for the soft target then run like hell.

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