Travelling with toddlers is no walk in the park. In fact, I seriously recommend forgoing the queues, flights, transfers and intolerant natives for a walk in your local park. Having survived the past two and a half years without so much as a mini-break, my husband and I decided it was time we took the twins on tour. The motivation was largely selfish – we were desperate for a break from the old routine, and I wasn’t comfortable about being the only mum in the toddler group who had not yet exposed her pre-schoolers to the cultural osmosis of at least three different continents.

So began the search for the perfect destination for two pooped parents and two sprightly sproggs. Long hauls were ruled out at an early stage; a short hop – two hours max – was definitely best for the first flight, we concluded. Accommodation was the next crucial decision: all of our friends in foreign places were busy, and I didn’t fancy the idea of the four of us ensconced in the same hotel room every night for a week.

The obvious solution was a self-catering apartment with two bedrooms and a separate lounge courtesy of www.holiday-rentals.co.uk, and the destination of choice was Nice. Why? Go with what you know, I thought, having been there several years hence with a group of friends and fallen in love with its quirky charm. I had no idea what attractions the place offered to young families, but there had to be local families who needed entertaining, right? Wrong. There are no children in Nice, only dogs.

Pounding the Nicoise sidewalks in search of family frivolity yielded nothing but doggy accessory shops, which incidentally must be all out of pooper-scoopers. Either that or the little old ladies who pay morticians to do their make up must have trouble bending down to pick up after their beloved shih tzus.

Undeterred, we negotiated the puppy pats and explored the delights of Nice and its neighbours. The beach was without doubt the star attraction for the boys. There is no sand, so the building of castles was ruled out. The throwing of pebbles, however, kept them amused and us on tenterhooks for most of the week. And when a handful of small pebbles happened to find itself flying through the air in the direction of an unsuspecting aforementioned elderly lady, I fully appreciated why they prefer dogs.

Apologising profusely, we made a not so hasty get-away on the little white tourist train, starting from just outside the Marriott Hotel and taking us around the famous flower market and old town, up to Castle Hill which overlooks the Baie des Anges. This simple and inexpensive trip managed to satisfy the fixations of all my boys: locomotive for the little ones and photographic for the big one. And as the crème de la crème, there is a park at the top – Colline du Chateau – complete with children’s playground. Perfect.

A day trip to Cannes also continued the locomotive theme, to the delight of my Thomas-obsessed youngsters. A short walk from our centrally-located apartment was Nice’s main station where we caught a double-decker train to the film capital of Europe. Buying the ticket and finding the right platform was easy, but scaling a gap the height of Mont Blanc between the train and the platform took some negotiating with buggies.

Once in Cannes we boarded yet another little tourist train – this time with commentary through drop-down headphones and language selector. Bizarrely, the English voice was in Sean Bean style Yorkshire, making me feel ‘reet’ at home. The train took us past the famous Palm Beach casino, through the narrow shopping streets, past the retirees playing petanque, and up to the old town where we got out at the church of Notre-Dame de l’Esperance sitting on top of Le Suquet Hill enjoying unrivalled views over the bay. Back down in the heart of Cannes, we strolled around the yachting community’s playground, Port Canto, then the boys played in the children’s version nearby.

Back in Nice, Parc Phoenix opposite the airport is definitely worth a visit with the little‘uns. Boasting the largest greenhouse in Europe, the scale of this pyramid-shaped indoor jungle will not disappoint. In fact, thanks to some clever air conditioning, the structure maintains seven different microclimates under one glass roof where rare plants and flowers thrive. Within the giant pyramid are also an aquarium and a reptile house, complete with sharks, poisonous turtles that kept plopping of their log (much to my boys’ sheer delight) and some disturbingly large spiders which were subject to “Incy Wincy” at full volume.

In the seven acres of park itself are various floral, faunal and aquatic attractions such as a walk-through waterfall, parrots, ostriches, and a free-roaming peacock. There was also what appeared to be the best children’s playground I had ever seen, which was closed for reasons that not even a language barrier could explain. We instead had to make do with a small bouncy castle where the time limit of two minutes per bounce was strictly upheld by the child-hating staff they had put on duty. A couple of very large ice creams seemed adequate compensation, and the disappointment was soon forgotten.

Excursions aside, the twins seemed for the most part happy aimlessly wondering around with their parents internalising the sights, sounds and smells of Nice – so long as they were never far from a patisserie or gelateria, which you never are in that part of the world. Restaurants are also predictably abundant, but not particularly child-friendly. We managed to limit the other diners’ misery by eating early and substituting the usual handbag contents with toys, puzzles and crayons.

Despite the weather and the welcome both being lukewarm, we still managed to keep two little boys with short attention spans very happy. It was, rather disappointingly, not the same Nice I experienced several years ago, but I had to concede it was me who had changed, not the place. Culturally and socially Nice offers a lot more than most of its European counterparts, but entertainment for the very young I’m afraid scores ‘nul points’. One day, when the boys are at summer camp, I shall return but for the next few years at least, we’re off to Disneyland!